Boost Your Self-Esteem

Chapter 1

What Is Self-Esteem?

Before you can care for your self-esteem, it helps to define the term.

Self-esteem refers to a person’s overall sense of his or her value or worth. It can be considered a sort of measure of how much a person “values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself” (Adler & Stewart, 2004).

According to self-esteem expert Morris Rosenberg, self-esteem is quite simply one’s attitude toward oneself (1965). "He described it as a “favorable or unfavorable attitude toward the self”.

Self-esteem refers to the degree to which we evaluate ourselves positively. It represents how much we like or value ourselves, and is often based on comparisons with others - Dr. Kristin Neff

Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It's based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can feel difficult to change. We might also think of this as self-confidence.

Your self-esteem can affect whether you:

• Like and value yourself as a person
• Can make decisions and assert yourself
• Recognise your strengths
• Feel able to try new or difficult things
• Show kindness towards yourself
• Move past mistakes without blaming yourself unfairly
• Take the time you need for yourself
• Believe you matter and are good enough
• Believe you deserve happiness

Self-esteem revolves around your opinion of yourself and what you have accomplished. When we’re surrounded by social media and inundated with lifestyle content, our opinion of ourselves can't help but be relative. Self-esteem can take a hit every time you open your newsfeed.

Self-esteem can affect how you practice "self-talk." If you assess yourself and find yourself lacking, you may focus on negative thoughts and self-criticism. However, the opposite can happen for people too concerned about preserving their self-esteem. They might focus on building themselves up and putting others down to feel better.

While saying positive things to yourself helps counter automatic negative thoughts, check in on whether that interior voice is constantly comparing, whether favorably or not. If you constantly think you aren't good enough, it can affect your relationships, physical health, and how well you do your job.

There's a difference between self-esteem and confidence. Your self-esteem affects how you see yourself. In contrast, your self-confidence dictates how you perceive your own skills and talents.

Your self-esteem results from your life experiences, beginning in childhood. Any trauma you've experienced, dramatic life changes, and your environment impact your self-esteem. Even at a young age, your self-esteem begins to fluctuate and develop.

You build self-confidence in a specific situation by developing and using your own skills and prior experiences related to the task. Believing in your abilities to complete a task while doubting your self-worth is an example of having high self-confidence but low self-esteem.

Take time to pay attention to how you speak to yourself. It's a good indicator of how well you take care of yourself.

Yes, self-esteem fluctuates — but lower self-esteem can signal something in your life harming your well-being. And if you have high self-esteem, you could be practicing some excellent self-care.

Self-esteem issues can creep up on you. It doesn't take much out of your day to take a moment and notice how events affect your mood and self-esteem.

Pay attention to other people's self-esteem, too. If you notice a loved one or a coworker is voicing a lot of self-doubt, they might need your support.

Self-esteem can shift from moment to moment, and day-to-day. Sometimes, your sense of self-worth is high — you’ll feel like nothing can bring you down. Shortly afterward, your mind may become flooded with negative thoughts.

Maybe you start scrolling through social media with ample self-confidence after a great post, but soon after, you feel it plummet. You can feel this change in your self-esteem several times a day, even within the same hour.

Having high self-esteem takes energy every single day. It can be exhausting. And research shows that the constant pursuit of high self-esteem isn't healthy.

Commit to improving your well-being by learning how to improve self-esteem without making it your top priority.

Factors That Influence Self-Esteem

Various factors believed to influence our self-esteem include:

• Genetics
• Personality
• Life experiences
• Age
• Health
• Thoughts
• Social circumstances
• The reactions of others
• Comparing the self to others

An important note is that self-esteem is not fixed. It is malleable and measurable, meaning we can test for and improve upon it.

Chapter 2

Comparison Of Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem Vs Self-Acceptance

Self-esteem and self-acceptance are often confused or even considered identical by most people. Let’s address this misconception by considering some fundamental differences in the nature and consequences of self-esteem and unconditional self-acceptance.

1. Self-esteem is based on evaluating the self, and rating one’s behaviors and qualities as positive or negative, which results in defining the self as worthy or unworthy (Ellis, 1994). Self-acceptance, however, is how the individual relates to the self in a way that allows the self to be as it is. Acceptance is neither positive nor negative; it embraces all aspects and experiences of the self (Ellis, 1976).

2. Self-esteem relies on comparisons to evaluate the self and ‘decide’ its worth. While Self-acceptance stems from the realization that there is no objective basis for determining the value of a human being. So with self-acceptance, the individual affirms who they are without any need for comparisons.

3. Self-esteem is contingent on external factors, such as performance, appearance, or social approval, that form the basis on which the self is evaluated. While Self-acceptance, a person feels satisfied with themselves despite external factors, as this sense of worthiness is not derived from meeting specific standards.

4. Self-esteem is fragile (Kernis & Lakey, 2010). While Self-acceptance provides a secure and enduring positive relationship with the self (Kernis & Lakey, 2010).

Self-Esteem And Psychology

Self-esteem has been a hot topic in psychology for decades, going about as far back as psychology itself. Even Freud, who many consider the founding father of psychology (although he’s a bit of an estranged father at this point), had theories about self-esteem at the heart of his work.

What self-esteem is, how it develops (or fails to develop) and what influences it has kept psychologists busy for a long time, and there’s no sign that we’ll have it all figured out anytime soon!

While there is much we still have to learn about self-esteem, we have at least been able to narrow down what self-esteem is and how it differs from other, similar constructs.

Dr. Martin Seligman has some concerns about openly accepting self-esteem as part of positive psychology. He worries that people live in the world where self-esteem is injected into a person’s identity, not caring in how it is done, as long as the image of “confidence” is obtained. He expressed the following in 2006:

I am not against self-esteem, but I believe that self-esteem is just a meter that reads out the state of the system. It is not an end in itself. When you are doing well in school or work, when you are doing well with the people you love, when you are doing well in play, the meter will register high. When you are doing badly, it will register low.

Self-Esteem Vs Self-Concept  

Self-esteem is not self-concept, although self-esteem may be a part of self-concept.

Self-concept is the perception that we have of ourselves, our answer when we ask ourselves the question “Who am I?” It is knowing about one’s own tendencies, thoughts, preferences and habits, hobbies, skills, and areas of weakness.

Put simply, the awareness of who we are is our concept of ourselves.

Purkey (1988) describes self-concept as: “the totality of a complex, organized, and dynamic system of learned beliefs, attitudes and opinions that each person holds to be true about his or her personal existence”.

According to Carl Rogers, founder of client-centered therapy, self-concept is an overarching construct that self-esteem is one of the components of it (McLeod, 2008).

Self-Esteem Vs Self-Image

Another similar term with a different meaning is self-image; self-image is similar to self-concept in that it is all about how you see yourself (McLeod, 2008). Instead of being based on reality, however, it can be based on false and inaccurate thoughts about ourselves. Our self-image may be close to reality or far from it, but it is generally not completely in line with objective reality or with the way others perceive us.

 Self-Esteem Vs Self-Worth

Self-esteem is a similar concept to self-worth but with a small (although important) difference: self-esteem is what we think, feel, and believe about ourselves, while self-worth is the more global recognition that we are valuable human beings worthy of love (Hibbert, 2013).

Self-Esteem   Vs Self-Confidence

Self-esteem is not self-confidence; self-confidence is about your trust in yourself and your ability to deal with challenges, solve problems, and engage successfully with the world (Burton, 2015). As you probably noted from this description, self-confidence is based more on external measures of success and value than the internal measures that contribute to self-esteem.

One can have high self-confidence, particularly in a certain area or field, but still lack a healthy sense of overall value or self-esteem.

Self-Esteem Vs Self-Efficacy

Similar to self-confidence, self-efficacy is also related to self-esteem but not a proxy for it.

Self-efficacy refers to the belief in one’s ability to succeed at certain tasks (Neil, 2005).

You could have high self-efficacy when it comes to playing basketball, but low self-efficacy when it comes to succeeding in math class.

Unlike self-esteem, self-efficacy is more specific rather than global, and it is based on external success rather than internal worth.

Self-Esteem Vs Self-compassion

Finally, self-esteem is also not self-compassion. Self-compassion centers on how we relate to ourselves rather than how we judge or perceive ourselves (Neff, n.d.).

Being self-compassionate means we are kind and forgiving to ourselves, and that we avoid being harsh or overly critical of ourselves. Self-compassion can lead us to a healthy sense of self-esteem, but it is not in and of itself self-esteem.

Statistics And   Facts About Self-Esteem

It can be hard to really wrap your mind around self-esteem and why it is so important. To help you out, we’ve gathered a list of some of the most significant and relevant findings about self-esteem and low self-esteem in particular.

Although some of these facts may make sense to you, you will likely find that at least one or two surprise you—specifically those pertaining to the depth and breadth of low self-esteem in people (and particularly young people and girls).

The Facts:

1. Adolescent boys with high self-esteem are almost two and a half times more likely to initiate sex than boys with low self-esteem, while girls with high self-esteem are three times more likely to delay sex than girls with low self-esteem (Spencer, Zimet, Aalsma, & Orr, 2002).

2. Low self-esteem is linked to violence, school dropout rates, teenage pregnancy, suicide, and low academic achievement (Misetich & Delis-Abrams, 2003).

3. About 44% of girls and 15% of boys in high school are attempting to lose weight (Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse, n.d.).

4. Seven in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way (Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 2008).

5. A girl’s self-esteem is more strongly related to how she views her own body shape and body weight than how much she actually weighs (Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 2008).

6. Nearly all women (90%) want to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance (Confidence Coalition, n.d.).

7. The vast majority (81%) of 10-year old girls are afraid of being fat (Confidence Coalition, n.d.).

8. About one in four college-age women have an eating disorder (Confidence Coalition, n.d.).

9. Only 2% of women think they are beautiful (Confidence Coalition).

10. Absent fathers, poverty, and a low-quality home environment have a negative impact on self-esteem (Orth, 2018).

These facts on low self-esteem are alarming and disheartening, but thankfully they don’t represent the whole story. The whole story shows that there are many people with a healthy sense of self-esteem, and they enjoy some great benefits and advantages.

For instance, people with healthy self-esteem:

1. Are less critical of themselves and others.

2. Are better able to handle stress and avoid the unhealthy side effects of stress.

3. Are less likely to develop an eating disorder.

4. Are less likely to feel worthless, guilty, and ashamed.

5. Are more likely to be assertive about expressing and getting what they want.

6. Are able to build strong, honest relationships and are more likely to leave unhealthy ones.

7. Are more confident in their ability to make good decisions.

8. Are more resilient and able to bounce back when faced with disappointment, failure, and obstacles (Allegiance Health, 2015).

Given the facts on the sad state of self-esteem in society and the positive outcomes associated with high self-esteem, it seems clear that looking into how self-esteem can be built is a worthwhile endeavor.